Time is a bitch

Just four days until we close on the house. Just four days until we write a check for 24,000 dollars. Holy crap is that a lot of money. I feel so young but when I look at my hands, they are move crevassed than ever. I am not a girl, or an adolescent or a young lady any more. I cannot smirk about the fact that I support myself. I am no longer the youngest one at work. I am just a regular grown up now. What the hell am I supposed to do with that? Enjoy my never flat belly and boobs that droop? Wonder if I'll ever look in the mirror again and think, "Not bad!" I see why men buy toupees and sports cars. It's fucking scary to know that you can't fall back on your cuteness anymore.

Now, I'll live in the burbs. I joked to Bill that we needed to leave the city and find a town where I'm still young and thin. Now I worry that I'm just the annoying woman making a scene in the corner and swearing that a man once told her she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and couldn't believe she was 35, flat out did not believe her! Please, God, don't make me that woman. Not at 28. Please wait a few decades if that is my ultimate fate. Also, no minivans.

Bored

I almost always like my alone time but tonight I feel lonely. I had a long day and skipped yoga when I couldn't get out of work in time. I guess I just need a little mental rest. That's not coming soon with a move in two weeks. FUCK it is scary.

I wish I could play and write music. I think I should learn the guitar. Then I could write songs that make boys want to hang with me. Or I could be the next Tori Amos or whatever and make girls want to hang with me. Yeah...I need to plan a bit more.

I wish I wrote things down more often

I have not posted anything here in a while. We had a sea of weeks of househunting and we have an accepted bid on a bank owned forclosure. I will not break out the party until our inspection has taken place. It terrifies me as this house is sold AS IS.

The winter has melted into a true spring. I practically cried as I drove home in the light today. It was awesome.

Some bad things have happened too. Death has hit too close to home. It is terrible for my dear friend.

My mother is floundering, drinking herself silly and miserable. She needs her dogs back and her life to have a direction. I can't force her or even yell. Nothing helps but I hope she pulls herself together soon.

Other than that, I am trying to keep up with yoga at least weekly and continue to not bite my nails. That is enough for now.

Celery Root Soup

So I bought my first celery root. Last week the run was shining and I had a craving for a celery root remoulade the likes of which I have not tasted since I traveled to France on a whim (can you imagine?) in 1999. I did not even know what it was when I ate it, bravely, at a train station restaurant across from my roommate. I loved it instantly. So, last week in 2009 (ten years - the circle of life - I'm fucking old) I am wandering at Whole Foods and I saw them and resolved to make my own celery root remoulade. But...after I got home I realized the only vinegar I have is sherry, balsamic or the stuff under the kitchen sink that's meant for cleaning. My poor root waited. Tonight, I knew I better get cooking if I wanted to actually use my produce. So, vegetarian celery root soup:

Chop and saute a medium onion in olive oil.
While it cooks, peel and dice one huge celery root, two small potatoes, one carrot and smash a couple cloves of garlic.
Pour a half cup of white wine onto the onions once they have a little color.
Add everyone to the pot
Pour on a few cups of vegetable broth, water and a cup of milk to cover the veggies by an inch. Add salt, a bay leaf and a small pinch of red pepper flakes. Bring to a boil.
Reduce the heat to a bare bubble and leave the kitchen for 45 minutes. When all the pieces are fork soft, turn off the heat and puree. I used an immersion blender with good success. I finished the soup with black pepper and nutmeg.

My bowl received a big pinch of Parmesan and a few drops of truffle oil. Who am I kidding? I ate three bowls plus crackers for dinner. It was good.

A Lull

House hunting, house hunting and more house hunting. That's all I've been doing. I was very into it for a few weeks but then Billy picked up my slack. He's now the one pouring over the listings and running the mortgage calculations. I'm the one who is a little tired of spending our one day off driving around the burbs in our realtor's car. I can't imagine how she must want to throttle us. I wouldn't make it in real estate. I'd hit people like me who cannot make up their minds. So, 40+ houses into the search and we are looking at ONE house for a second time. Why, it's cheap and we both like it. I have no other hobbies and no other accomplishments to show for this winter. I am fat and have a cold sore. My hair has reached another awkward phase. That is my bitching for now.

In good news, I have hope for the spring. Stuff is melting around here and even though I know it will get colder, I think of next year when I will park in a garage and not in a neighborhood where people claim spaces they dig out with lawn furniture.

My boss is both driving me crazy and growing on me. I think I am starting to get him but I'm not sure. Something is off and I think he must have a slight drug problem. No one can work 80 hours a week and stay that chipper naturally. He has snapped at me a few times for no apparent reason. I don't want another passive aggressive boss. I sensed it during my interview but what could I do? I was jobless.

I have chosen to not give a shit about work outside of work. I will put in my time and work hard but I won't fret about upward mobility. This is a job and not a career. That's just fine.

That's why I haven't been writing I guess. I keep spinning options around my brain without getting answers. I need to worry less and drink less, clean more and be a better girlfriend. I am not putting in 50% these days. I think I will paint my fingernails today, read my tarot cards, clean a little and go shopping. That sounds like a nice plan. Superbowl is tonight and I'm hoping he will want to stay home intead of driving out to his buddies' place.

Lazy Single Person Dinner

The world is out of soy. I ate it for dinner. Fake meat riblettes (yum) and edamame with soy sauce. All the soy, like I said. This is the type of dinner you eat when your other half is out of the house. You do not "cook" such a dinner. You microwave the riblette first and then decide you are still hungry a little later. That's known as 'decide between Cheerios and edamame time.' Then you groan at all the work of defrosting the edamame. Man, I have to drain off the water? AND add soy sauce? It's rough. But you suffer through it and make a pile of salty shells that overflows the computer desk. You lick salty drips off your wrist and read dumb websites. You disgust yourself when you almost choke on a particularly hair pod. After that is beer time. I don't know what time comes next but if I had to guess, I'd go with some form of dessert.

New Year with no plans

Pizza is cooling and I have a glass of white wine. The young girls downstairs have people over and there are shoes piled on the landing but they're quiet so far. It is 7:00 pm, the time when I usually get out of work. It feels so much later!

We were invited to one party but it's on the other side of a city - 30 minute drive through drunk town, $40 cab or an hour long train ride. We decided to stay in. We have stayed in for the past four years and it is holding strong as our tradition! That pizza smells good. I need to go investigate.