Now that I've been at the new job for three weeks, I am feeling more settled. I like the people pretty well. I can see that I may get bored sometimes but I am usually busy enough. I can also feel that my internal dialogue will be getting back to normal soon. I am once again sad and weepy about not 18 months of trying and no baby. I shouldn't compare myself to others but I do. I really shouldn't read internet message boards about parenting. "95% of healthy couples will get pregnant in a year." Well, that means we've won the shit lottery or we're unhealthy. I hate either option.
I think that once the holidays are over, it's time to go to a reproductive doctor. I have the referral from April somewhere. I could call and get another if need be. I expect my period in about a week. After that, I need to discuss with Billy and give the Month of December our very best shot with timing and such. For my 31st birthday in January, I want to be pregnant or have a plan about how to get there. The normal people way of just having sex and waiting hasn't worked for us.
