Wednesday, December 31, 2008

New Year with no plans

Pizza is cooling and I have a glass of white wine. The young girls downstairs have people over and there are shoes piled on the landing but they're quiet so far. It is 7:00 pm, the time when I usually get out of work. It feels so much later!

We were invited to one party but it's on the other side of a city - 30 minute drive through drunk town, $40 cab or an hour long train ride. We decided to stay in. We have stayed in for the past four years and it is holding strong as our tradition! That pizza smells good. I need to go investigate.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Still:
Fat
Bored
Undecided

No Closer to:
Inner Peace
Sainthood
sobriety

Feeling:
twitchy
tired
unmotivated

Wishing for:
drive
a tape worm
a windfall

Expecting:
the glass to remain at half
things to change but slowly
another mood swing any minute

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Bitching and Moaning

I am working up the energy to leave the house and do anything at all today. My sister has gone to visit my Mom and they invited me to drive down but they cannot understand that I can't just take off a few days with no notice. It always pisses me off a little. I like my life but I have always worked hard and had tough jobs. My sister has never worked much and has always had the luckiest jobs ever. She worked at a tiny deli in high school where the old lady owner would make her sandwiches and send her to watch soap operas in the back room. I worked at a deli in high school too. The managers told me I was old enough to work a meat slicer and how often to scrub out the bathrooms. Every so often, Mom and Sis casually mention we should all take a few days off next week. Wouldn't that be fun? It would be fun. It really would...but I have plans to sit at work and grind my teeth.

I am feeling the creepy crawlies again. W says of my relationship with this job, "It's nice but you aren't going to marry it." Maybe this job has begun leaving the bathroom door open. Some people find the right one right away. Some settle and accept a job for what it is. I can't. I've got to fight on and believe there is a job for me that I will like. I am not quite there yet. My business cards came in last week. The box was the size of a microwave. I saw all those cards and thought, "How in the hell am I going to pass all those out before I leave." That's when my brain knew I wasn't cut out to stay too long. Maybe a year? That's July. I don't want to run away blindly and if we buy a house, I can't. I am learning that it's just as hard to work for a small company. Sometimes I hate all four personalities.

What I would like:

Much less commute.
A fucking lunch hour. I haven't had an actual hour ever.
A set and unwavering schedule. No surprises. No events. No hosting parties after hours.
Boundaries! I would like to tell any asshole customer who asks me why I'm still wearing so many clothes exactly what I think of him. Next job will need to include less drinking.
A place to move up or a next step...plus an escape route.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

2009 ~ resolutions are lame but goals are ok, right?

Things to do in the new year, an incomplete an unstructured list.

Learn how to cook Indian food. Class? Good cookbook? I don't know yet.

Go back to improv class.

Lose, like, a million pounds and never drink on weeknights. (voted least likely to succeed)

Paint more often.

Spend time with the baby whenever I can.

Begin a garden.

Do something good for Mom.

Love Bill even more and show it.

Think some more about what I might love to do for a career.

Host a vegetarian cooking show.

Go sailing.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Pierogi

My mother's mother was Polish and I think something very strong was carried on that DNA. Mom and I joke that it's a love of Brussels sprouts and cabbage, but I think there's an even deeper love of thrifty cooking. Today I worked on something I've tried before-delicious pierogies.

I had big plans to start and finish that teeny bit of Christmas shopping that requires leaving the computer. I really did. I started out well, but a negative wind chill and stinging cheeks defeated me once I walked to my favorite neighborhood boutique and found it closed. I wasn't about to go anywhere but home. I required a hot bath and that's exactly what I got.

I've made pierogies before and Bill loves them. They're a favorite childhood comfort food of his. They cost nothing per dozen and they occupy one's hands for hours. I always have on hand the dough ingredients except sour cream. Once I read that plain yogurt works just as well and I always have plain yogurt in the fridge. Every time, I google pierogi recipe to get the dough. You'd think I could write down, "5 cups flour, 2 eggs, 2 teaspoons salt, 4 tablespoons yogurt or sour cream and 1 cup water - mix and let rest one hour." As of yet, I cannot.

Pierogi fillings have always been dictated by what's in the house. I've never intentionally shopped for a filling. Like omelets or soup, dumplings seem designed to use up bits and pieces that wouldn't amount to anything without a new wrapper and some extra fried onion. Today, we had lots of material to work with; slowly aging new potatoes, drying chives, half a red cabbage, cheeses, beans, dried herbs and more. I developed three new fillings: sauerkraut-chard-and-cream, mashed potato-cheese and red cabbage-garlic. I resisted adding tofu to anything. By four o'clock I made almost one hundred little dumplings. Like last time, the first dozen were a little awkward and lumpy but once I hit my stride, I was rolling and filling like a pro.

My secret technique is that I hand roll each one. I take a jaw breaker sized bit of dough onto my floured counter and roll it into a stretchy little circle with my favorite rolling device, my tall double shot glass. I never use it to pour shots (who takes a shot at home? Wooo kitchen!) but it makes great pierogi skins.

I boil them for ten minutes and then saute in butter and fried onions. They are so good, so buttery, so caloric and so inexpensive. Extra yogurt and some applesauce makes a whole dinner. I feel like a thrifty pioneer when I look at my bags of frozen guys just waiting for a weeknight dinner. I wish I could slap a bow on one and give it to Bill's sister in law. I still need to go shopping for gifts.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Open Letter to the Douche Bags of America

Dear Holiday Shopper,

Feel free to do your shopping whenever you want but if you want a retail employee to do your choosing for you and then expect them to make cards with personalized greetings and handle the shippping for you, do your damn shopping early. Oh, and adopting a snotty tone to inform said employee that there are a whole whopping five days until Christmas does not magically make our UPS guy get your package to the coast without you paying extra. Nor does it make me like you very much.

Merry Christmas!
Me

Thursday, December 18, 2008

A Recipe for a Thursday Night

I never manage to put up any recipes, so I thought I would try to document dinner. This is not special other than high fat content, but it was dinner tonight.

Start two pans: put a big skillet on a low flame and a large pan of water on a high flame. Tear up some lettuce and leave it to soak in a bowl of cold water, so all the grit can sink away. Melt a teaspoon of butter and a teaspoon of olive oil together in the skillet. Mince and a add a couple cloves of garlic. Chop up half a red bell pepper, a few cherry tomatoes and one regular can of artichoke hearts. Add those the the skillet and turn it to a medium flame. Suddenly decide to add some herbs de provence. Scoot the veggies to the sides to of a the skillet and put a big pinch of the herbs in a tiny bit of extra oil you pour into the center. Give it a minute then stir up everything. Once the water in the pot boils, add a HUGE pinch of salt and drop in some pasta. Boil until the pasta is one minute away from cooked. Drain lazily and dump into veggies in the skillet adding a good splash of cooking water along with the pasta. Throw on about a quarter cup of grated parmesan cheese. Toss. Find that leftover heavy cream in the fridge and add a few tablespoons (or however much a slow dribble around the pan amounts to). Turn off the burner and toss a couple times. Leave alone. Pull the lettuce from the water, don't dump the grit back onto the leaves. Spin in your small 'everyday' salad spinner (different from the big mama dinner party sized one you got the Christmas you learned not to ask for the same things from different people) Decide that since you already added the cream, you might as well do it right and loosen the now clumpy sauce with another dribble of cream. Go to town with the tongs one final time. Look at plain lettuce and decide that tonight, that's enough. It is fancy lettuce after all. Pull a dressing from the fridge door. Grab a few plates and serve. Yummy salad and pasta is quite successful. Boyfriends enjoy it too. Sit back and revel in your cleverness. Ignore the dirty skillet moping on the from burner. Pour a glass of wine and watch 30 Rock. Be fabulous.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Gluttony

Oh my god, I am so lazy. I am sitting at my computer with my muscles aching from atrophy and eating a chocolate muffin instead of exercising. The muffin isn't even that good. And I'm drinking some Albarino. And I'm preheating the oven to make some fake chicken nuggets. And I don't care. Today, I will pop the buttons off my pants and roll my body to the toilet to pee if I have to. I cannot stop eating crap. I must stay sober enough to meet up with another couple for food and drinks in a few hours. Awesome.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Hormones

Somewhere between insanity and boredom, there is a sweet spot where I like my job. I move around and get things done. I am busy and time passes easily. I finally get into a swing now.

After yesterday, where my hormones and one ill timed mistake made me psycho for an hour...and after two days of sickness before that, I was grateful for a day that was easy. I ended the day lining gift boxes with tissue paper. Three of us stood, working like elves and talking.

This month has been busy with news. So many couples have gotten engaged this month. I can think of five right now and there may be someone I'm forgetting. I have become jealous and my desire to someday be married has moved into a desire to get married already, jeez. I decided that I wasn't going to push my boyfriend a long time ago. I want both of us to be ready and want to get married. That doesn't mean that he doesn't know. I've told him I am ready but I don't want to constantly mention it like a couple women I know. Last week we celebrated our four year anniversary. I got a new camera...which I love. I really do and I really knew he wasn't going to propose. We've discussed money and we want to buy a house first. It's not like I was let down. I just felt like a girlie girl for the first time.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Holidailies Late

December 7 ~ If you could change, undo or modify one decision in your past, which would it be and why?

I know this answer in an instant. The real answer. The big one. I would have never, ever, ever started smoking. I quit about a year ago and I am one of the converted. I can't stand cigarette smoke any more. So, I already changed that decision and for the purposes of this answer, it doesn't count.

I may be the only person I know who feels this way but I wish I hadn't waited so damn long to get out there, have sex, get my heart broken and all that crap. I guarded myself for years. I hated high school and there is not a single person I think I should have dated that I didn't. I also spent the first 3 and a half years of college celibate, bitter and barely dating. I wish I had a few more glory days stories. I wish I had the confidence I have now to say Fuck it and wear a bikini or ask him out. Even the mistakes. I wish I had those. I never had a one night stand. I don't have big regrets and I am glad I did it this way. I got everything I have now out of the deal. Still, if I travelled back in time to whisper something in my own ear it would be, "Lighten the hell up. Mom is right. You are beautiful and you can have whatever you want if you claim it. Don't wait. Don't wish. Don't pine. Claim it and it's yours."

I have to remember to whisper this in my own ear now. I am still so young after all.

Holidailies Late

December 6 ~Your most vivid memory from last year's holiday season.


Wow. I am trying to pull up a vivid memory and so much is muted about last winter. Last year was a tough one. I was winding down and frustrated at my job. I was unsure and somewhat unhappy. I think I let a lot of the year pass in a blur. I decided to host a gathering in December. My good friend Rhi, my sister, her baby, my father and his girlfriend (the other baby)all came. It was my first meat free Christmas and I made a veggie lasagna. Dad's girlfriend, Cheryl, was annoying as ever in her special ditzy way. Rhi was staying here and met the baby for the first time. She was just learning to walk and wore a diaper around the overheated apartment. I had my first ever cold sore - so nasty. Everyone was chatting all afternoon and we ended up sitting on the floor talking, even though the couch was right there. That day was an eye in the storm. I relaxed and laughed. I felt the way the commercials tell us we are supposed to feel. In my messy apartment with the baby running around naked and a Hodge podge of guests, I felt the best I felt in a long time.

Holidailies Late

December 5 ~ Introduce Yourself

It is perfect that I introduce myself two days late. I am not a procrastinator so much as I make sudden decisions to do things. It doesn't matter if the due date has passed or if I need to pull some strings to get in. I am a firm decision maker. Decisions don't come easily, but once they are made, they stick.

I am Charker. It sounds like a infomercial product but it's just a contraction of my many names. I picked it on a whim (theme developing) when I created my blog a few months ago. My friend, Tom, read something I wrote and said, "You're a good writer. You should start a blog." So I did. I haven't told anyone about it and probably no one reads it at all. I like that. I just write out whatever I want without any worry that someone I know is reading. That's why I am Charker. It is me, but unGoogleable.

I am almost twenty-eight. I work in a wine store because I gave up a corporatey sales position earlier this year. I am still unsure about how much I love my job but getting out of the other job was the best decision ever, so I am glad.

I have a boyfriend and he is wonderful. We have been dating for four years and we are looking at real estate in the suburbs. We are officially old now.

My biggest passion in life is food. I love to cook and read cook books and research anything about the history of food. (Did you know man has been eating food since the beginning of time? History of food always sounds funyy as if people just learned to shove crap in their mouths one day.) I absorb all that crap like a sponge. It is maybe odd that I gave up meat a couple years ago, so my food choices are more limited. I love not eating meat - feel better physically and ethically. I still pig out on seafood, so I would never call myself a vegetarian. I have a pet peeve about people who label themselves as veggie but eat seafood. A fish is equal to one animal just like a cow or a chicken. Don't get me started on those who don't eat red meat and think they have some special title... So, basically, I am passionate about food. This shows in my kitchen and on my ass; I am not so skinny at all. I am not super fat either. I am midwestern medium which is rural thin and coastal obese. I am trying to document more recipes to track my successes and failures. This proves difficult as most "recipes" would include directions like, "Cook over medium heat until its time to change the laundry. Look and see if you should add some more liquid. Pour in one coffee cup full of water. Look again. Walk away and let cook while you check email."

So, that's as much as you need to know about me to get started.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Planning Brunch

I just opened a bottle of Mollydooker Goosebumps Sparkling Shiraz. I've been eyeing it since summer, wondering what sparkling Shiraz might be like. Everyone at work said don't bother. One said gross. One said odd. Then I heard a guy rave about this exact wine on a podcast of the Splendid Table and I thought it was fate. He described it as a perfect burger wine. What everyone should have said was that it tastes exactly like carbonated Shiraz that you've felt compelled to chill. Yep, cold fizzy Shiraz. It reminds me of concord grape juice a little. Only, I like concord grape juice more.

I've been planning to include some recipes so I have a record of my experiments and just in case anyone else ever reads this, they'll know I do more than half ass it at work and bitch. I haven't been cooking much. I am working six day weeks through Christmas, so my opportunities are limited. I am hosting a brunch this Sunday and I am excited. It will be me, my family and my mother's friend. Probably eight people. I have set the following menu:

Crab and artichoke quiche (crab and artichokes from a can . I am not made of money.)baked eggs with cheese (I am making just a bit for the little niece and in case anyone doesn't eat crab)
mini bagels
cream cheese and chives
smoked salmon
fruit salad with pineapple, mango, raspberries, blueberries and honey-lime syrup.
coffee
mimosas! (made with a much less purple sparkling wine)
My mother might bring sweet muffins if she and her granddaughter feel like baking the night before.

I think I need to add some type of potatoes - roasted I imagine with some onion. I might skip that. Or maybe add a green salad to move into brunch-lunch rather than brunch-breakfast. I did my shopping tonight. Tomorrow I prep.

So, I hate the wine less now. If I make it through half a glass of anything, I sort of like it. I just do not get it - like unfamiliar yet unintersting ethnic food. It is odd but I will drink it until my teeth are purple and I dump thhe rest down the drain. You can't waste wine - even if its free.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Today is the first day of the rest of your job.

So, my month of six day weeks until Christmas started out OK. Busy enough day but not rushed. It's the first real snowfall of the year. I finished everything I need to finish and I left. God, I love this job sometimes. No crying in the shower. No bleary eyed exhaustion. Just regular working and then regular going home. Hello home!