Week 7

I have seen this on pregnancy blogs and I think it's a good memento. Since this is basically just my diary, I want to remember these things.

How far along are you? 7 weeks
How big is baby? The size of a blueberry (last week it was just a lentil).
Weight gain/loss? None so far but my first appointment weigh-in was awful. I have gained weight over the last year. At least ten pounds.
Stretch marks? YES! I have bright red squiggles on my abdomen. It's gross and weird considering I am not really bigger yet. I got them the week I found out.
Maternity clothes? No. I did buy two new shelf bras though. My breasts are huge.
Best moment this week? Telling our families at Christmas
Gender? Way too early. I think boy.
Movement? Way too early.
Belly button? The same.
Symptoms? Breast sensitivity, light nausea but constantly churning stomach. Food aversions and feeling constantly hungry but repulsed by food. Extreme fatigue.
Cravings? Tart and sour (lemonade), fruit, bland starchy foods
What do I miss? Feeling energetic.
What I'm looking forward to this week? Extra sleep.
Milestones? I heard a heartbeat!

After Christmas

It's Boxing Day today and I think it might be Kobi the dog's eighth birthday. I am home alone at the start of my week off. Billy's at work and the animals have been surrounding me all day. If I didn't know I was pregnant, I'd fear we had a carbon monoxide leak. I am so very tired all the time.

Every night I sleep a good 9-10 hours. Every afternoon I fall asleep. I am so happy to have this break. What will happen when I go back to work? Not only to I need to be awake, I need to be focused on details. I guess that's a part of HR or something.

I napped with both dogs and two cats for an hour and a half today, crashing out around noon and waking up with an open drool mouth. Only Violet snubbed the big bed. Orlando even slept on my belly.

My appetite is really odd. I will mostly forget to eat. I will be moderately hungry almost always but everything sounds bad. I've only vomited twice after eating very heavy meals that I should have known were a bad idea. Mostly, I have a sour stomach that feels like a low grade hangover. I am convinced that a finicky toddler and stole replaced my taste buds with her own.

My brain is on a loop of, "Oh, I'm hungry I should eat...why does my stomach feel so gross...an apple sounds good...Nevermind, keep that apple away it sounds terrible...why am I still hungry...Oh, I never ate that apple...I should have some soup...Soup is the most horrible thing on the planet; I can smell its vileness from inside the can...I feel hungry...Why does my stomach hurt?"

For a girl who likes to discuss her next meal during most meals, this is so weird.

So the good news is, we've told our families. Everyone got excited. Mom cried. Grandma cried. It was a wonderful Christmas surprise to share.

My Day Ahead

Today is doctor day. I didn't make it this far last time, so I am excited to go the the office like regular people do. Billy is coming with me.

We are in the middle of an escrow freak out. The bank has told us that we will owe an additional $400 per month due to their screw up. This has actually helped me focus on something other than the pregnancy. Now, if the bank woman would just call me back, I'd feel better. An answer, even a bad one, is more comforting than waiting. I am really hoping for a good answer.

Yesterday was Sunday. I slept a solid nine hours Saturday night. I lounged around the house Sunday morning, napped for over an hour and went to bed at 8:30 pm last night. I was so tired. I just hope that I banked up the extra rest so I have energy to function today.

Just one week of work and then a week off for Christmas!

General Freaking Out

I really wish my mom would keep her mouth shut sometimes. I love her. I do. She just says terribly inappropriate things some times. A month after my last pregnancy she told me, "I knew something was wrong when you weren't getting morning sickness."

She is not a doctor and I am only six weeks along. Many sources tell me that morning sickness will kick in over the next couple weeks. Logic doesn't matter. I am so scared that something is wrong. Where other women would be thrilled to not be queasy, I am scared.

I wake up every morning and think, "Oh no, my boobs don't hurt as much as they did yesterday," or "My abdomen doesn't feel tight and pully. That's it. It's over." I have another week exactly until my first appointment and I am getting more scared. It was a week before my appointment that I started bleeding last time. I can vividly remember the bathroom at work and the swipe of pink.

I was so scared but I told myself a little pink was nothing. I would talk to the doctor at my appointment. Within an hour, that pink was red and steady. That's when I called the doctor, called the insurance company, told my boss (who must have seen the terror in my face and the red eyes because he didn't question me leaving for a second) and went to the ER.

It's amazing how a whole life plan can collapse in an hour. It's amazing that one comment from my mother can haunt me as I lay in bed and wait for nausea. I am trying so hard to make my mantra about today only. Today I am pregnant. Today I am hopeful.

Today I am making food for Grandma. She has another stomach surgery. My mother in law is here. My brother and sister in law will be taking baby Genevieve to the grandparents' house this afternoon. I am making crock pot chicken barbecue sandwiches and Asia slaw to take over. I'm such a grown up. Okay, if my sister in law hadn't brought over food last time, I'd have never thought of it. She's a much more considerate person than I am in that way.

So far, so good on the pregnancy. I am queasy sometimes, which makes me happy. I am thirsty, a little ditzy, tired, crampy in different from menstrual way and my boobs are always a little sore. I want so badly to be 100% invested in this pregnancy and then, at the same time, I want to hold back. It's only been a week of knowing but I feel more connected to the pregnancy now, as if it's been too long and I couldn't possible lose it. That's not at all true. Last time I was another week along when I started bleeding. Anything is possible. I am not guaranteed a healthy bouncing baby at the end. I am not guaranteed anything. That doesn't mean I'm not hopeful.

First Appointment is made

I have an appointment for December 19th but I know there won't be an ultrasound (I asked). I was hoping for a heartbeat for Christmas. I think if we had one, I'd be forced to tell on Christmas. We haven't told anyone yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's only been a few days. Well, I usually tell people about their gift the day I buy it. I cannot help it. I get so excited.

I am trying to remain calm and trying to remain cautiously optimistic. So far, I have surprised myself my opening my heart again. That worries me a bit but I am so glad to be hopeful. Please universe, make this baby stay. I have no idea when we'll share the news.

Pregnant Again

Peed on a stick this morning and there were two lines. This is already different from last time. Last time, I had gentle cramps and once got sick. This time, I've puked my guts out already. Not even one day of happily pregnant. I am in full-force vomit mode.

Thrilled. (except the puking).