She is not a doctor and I am only six weeks along. Many sources tell me that morning sickness will kick in over the next couple weeks. Logic doesn't matter. I am so scared that something is wrong. Where other women would be thrilled to not be queasy, I am scared.
I wake up every morning and think, "Oh no, my boobs don't hurt as much as they did yesterday," or "My abdomen doesn't feel tight and pully. That's it. It's over." I have another week exactly until my first appointment and I am getting more scared. It was a week before my appointment that I started bleeding last time. I can vividly remember the bathroom at work and the swipe of pink.
I was so scared but I told myself a little pink was nothing. I would talk to the doctor at my appointment. Within an hour, that pink was red and steady. That's when I called the doctor, called the insurance company, told my boss (who must have seen the terror in my face and the red eyes because he didn't question me leaving for a second) and went to the ER.
It's amazing how a whole life plan can collapse in an hour. It's amazing that one comment from my mother can haunt me as I lay in bed and wait for nausea. I am trying so hard to make my mantra about today only. Today I am pregnant. Today I am hopeful.
